Ten Things We Hate About Twilight FanFics
by esthermarie
Summary: We are not doing this to flame anyone. We have just seen one too many really good stories that found a really stupid way to destroy itself. It really is the little things that matter. I have been told many times that I am too critical to stories I read.
1. The Countdown

Top Ten Things to Murder A Twilight FanFic

**Top Ten Things to Murder A Twilight FanFic**

**Brought to you in part by esthermarie and Jexena. We give you the top ten things that we think can bring down an otherwise decent story.**

**Contents**

**Chapter One: The countdown**

**Chapter Two: Jexena's POV as to why they made the list**

**Chapter Three: esthermarie's POV as to why they made the list**

**Ten:**

**Crossovers with Vampires that have fangs**

**Nine:**

**People getting their facts wrong**

**Eight:**

**Getting Jasper and/or Emmett's last name wrong**

**Seven:**

**Edward calling Bella 'Bells'**

**Six:**

**Making Kind, sweet hearted, loving Esme a cold hearted, monstrous Bitch while being a human**

**Five:**

**Jacob imprints on Bella … Or ANYONE he has already seen cough LEAH cough **

**Four:**

**Bella falls in love with ANYONE but Edward**

**Three:**

**Edward leaves a second time**

**Two:**

**Edward falls in love with somebody else**

**And the number one way to kill your story …..**

**Start it with the phrase 'Legend Has It …'**


	2. Jexena's POV

**Chapter Two: Jexena's POV**

**Crossovers with vampires that have fangs – **I know that the majority of the vampire world says that they have enlarged canines. However, this is not the way the Twilight universe works. I have always been a fan of Ann Rice. I also remember making sure to have all of my homework done when I got home from school so that I was aloud to watch Buffy every week. But those are not the kinds of vampires we are dealing with in this universe. They are cool, but not as sexy. The closest thing I can think of is Blade and he unfortunately still had the whole canine thing going for him. I always thought the sun block thing was a little cheesy on those movies.

**People getting their facts wrong – **I am sure that in order for a person to get into a book enough to want to write a fanfic about it they have read it a couple of times. I do not see how someone can read these books more than once and still get such simple things wrong. It really doesn't take that much time to check the book if you are not sure of something you want to put in your story.

**Getting Jasper and/or Emmett's last name wrong – **This is one of the many things that is not only said in the book, but that you can find on the Twilight Lexacon. Yes Jasper goes by the name Hale and Emmett goes by Cullen because it is good for their cover. But they both have their own names that you are actually told in the books. Jasper Whitlock is from Texas and Emmett McCarty is from Tennessee.

**Edward calling Bella 'Bells' – **This is not something that would ever happen. He is a very proper person. If he was able to get away with it I am sure he would only ever call her Isabella. But since he is incapable of doing anything that would upset her, on purpose anyway, he would never do that. He also would not call her that because it is a nick name from her father. He feels bad enough about taking her from Charlie. He would not call her something that would automatically make her think of him and how she had to give him up. The fact that Jacob calls her that is yet another reason why he would never do it.

**Making Kind, sweet hearted, loving Esme a cold hearted monstrous Bitch – **That is just evil. There is no way that she could do that. I hate when people turn her into Emily Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. If you have no idea who that is watch the show. It is on twice a day on ABC Family.

**Jacob imprints on Bella … Or ANYONE that he has already seen since becoming a wolf cough LEAH cough - **This is so ridiculous for a number of reasons. I think the main reason though is because it shows a person's lack of paying attention to the details. Anyone that read New Moon correctly knows that Sam was madly in love with Leah. They were high school sweethearts and everything. Emily came by one weekend out of the blue and Sam is now in love with her to his very soul. That is how all the wolves imprint. Look at poor Quil, he imprinted on a baby for God sakes. That right there should show you that the imprinting thing is instantaneous. You cannot get around that. That is also why stories that say that Bella ends up with Jacob are ridiculous. He never imprinted on her. Therefore, if you put Bella with Jacob you must enjoy causing her heartache. Now not only did she cast Edward aside, but as soon as Jacob does manage to imprint she will be completely alone. I guess you don't really like her then.

**Bella falls in love with ANYONE but Edward – **That is not possible. That is not the true Bella then. She is a very determined thing. She also has a hard time with feeling guilty all the time. That is the only reason she tries to be nice to everyone. She, subconsciously I think, doesn't want to be hated. However, she also doesn't like to be the center of attention. So she has her own inner battles going on there. That is the only reason that anyone has even the faintest thought that she might secretly like them cough MIKE cough. That is a delusion. She was made to be the other half of Edward just as he was saved to be the other half of her. There can be no one else.

**Edward leaves a second time – **This is another thing that people do to not only torture Edward and Bella, but because they did not read the books close enough. Look at how they were when they were apart. That is not a feeling anyone would want to repeat of their own accord. I am also sure that when the family finally got back together they had a very long talk about the consequences of that action. Not to mention the fact that if Edward ever even had a millisecond of a milliseconds lapse in thought Alice would see it and tell Jasper and he could reflect on him how he felt the last time and that will help him come to his senses so he can think of another way to get over whatever it is that made him think that leaving would be better for her safety.

**Edward falls in love with ANYBODY else - ** Hello, it has taken the man over one hundred years to find someone that elicits feelings in him that makes him want to do things that aren't so brotherly. Not to mention the fact that I truly, down in my soul, believe that the was saved specifically in order for him to still be around in 2005 when Bella moved to Forks. They were made for each other. It was Destiny, Fate, Karma, Kismet, Serendipity. Whatever you want to call it. That was it. They are just as imprinted on each other as Sam is on Emily.

**When you start your story with 'Legend has it…' – **Legends are really fine. I do not mind a good legend. But when you start spewing off how Bella finding Edward, or vice versa, was foretold long ago that is when you are trying too hard. Legends that have to do with Nostradamus / Harry Potteresk prophecies don't really belong in Twilight. This is a vampire/werewolf world.

**Extra Special PET PEEV – Killing of Carlisle and/or Esme – **Yes, I know, I am strange and very opinionated. But I do not think that it is right to kill either of them off. It is really strange, I know. I have absolutely no qualms with killing off Charlie, Renee, Phil, Jacob, anyone from La Push. I couldn't even care less if the Volturi came by and snacked on the majority of the student body at Forks High. I do however have a problem with them killing off any of the Cullens or Hales. They can even find a nice way to take out the Denali crew and I wouldn't bat an eye. But for you to take out Carlisle and Esme is so evil. It is even worse when you only take out one and leave the other to carry on solely for the children. Now that is cold hearted.


	3. esthermarie's POV

**Chapter Three: Save the best for last!! EstherMarie's POV!!**

**Crossovers with fangs!!** If Stephenie didn't give the Cullen's—or any vampires for that matter—fangs, then the Meyer Vampire world should have a sign by the entrance: **_NO FANGS ALLOWED!!_**

**_Facts!!_**If you don't have all your facts then you should not be writing a fan fic! It'd be like a sports reporter reporting on America's Iron Chef!! Yeah not cool yo!!

**Last Names!** Jasper Whitlock, and Emmett McCarty!! Must I elaborate??

**Bella vs. Bells! **Edward calling Bella, Bells, maybe it would happen if his brain was overtaken by werewolves…er…Jacob. Yeah almost as likely as Alice quitting shopping!! LMAO!!

**Esme with a twist??** Esme is to freaking sweet to be made a bitch! I don't think on her worst day would she get any angrier than when Edward, Bella and Alice returned from Italy!!

**Jacob Imprints chortle!** If Jacob were to imprint on Bella he would have imprinted the second Bella ventured back to his house after he was miraculously cured from his "mono". Jacob would have also imprinted on Leah the SECOND he saw her after he changed…not days, weeks, years, decades, centuries, eons later!! Duh!

**Bella's change of heart?** Bella would never fall in love with anyone else! Yes, she does/did love Jacob, but she didn't love him enough to lose everything with Edward! She loves Edward in a way so indescribable I am personally amazed Stephenie Meyer is able to convey that love into words. In my honest opinion I have a hard time thinking of how that kind of love could feel! Plus, why on earth would you want to lose that for someone that would meet his soul mate and leave you!! Why? That is like deliberately pouring salt onto your severed leg!! IDIOTIC!! Besides! Bella knows exactly what she wants!! E.D.W.A.R.D!! DUH!!

**Edward exit stage left!** Why would he leave again? He said in the end of New Moon he would only leave if Bella said so. And honestly she isn't going to do that soon!! Thus, don't make him leave unless he's going hunting, and then, make it a squirrel or raccoon from the woods behind Bella's house!!

**Edward's change of heart?** After spending 100 years alone and quite frankly maybe even a little bitter, why would he after finding his other half deicide to try and settle for someone else? Regardless of them being a human or the fact he doesn't feel the need to try and NOT drain them. Honestly that is ridiculous!!

**Legends Smegends!!** Yes! Stepehenie incorporates legends with the wolves!! Quite frankly if you want to continue with those, more power to you! But when you add some crackpot vampire legends, you are asking for a round house kick to the face by Chuck Norris!!

**Just something else!!** When they get rid of the truck, that is brutal! I cried when I read the first chapter of Breaking Dawn! sorry for the spoiler!!


End file.
